Week 6

Week 6: May 12-18

What a week. This week marks the third week running that I haven’t seen either my counterpart or my boss. Phil has been out on Health Ministry visits that I can’t participate in because CHAM has no budget for me. I find it all quite ridiculous. They knew I was coming, so they should have looked at these things and set aside the budget, otherwise, what’s the point? I’ve been keeping a work log just to make sure I’m not crazy, and indeed, out of the 22 work days that I’ve been here, Phil and I have been together for 5.5 days. He’s never once checked in with me. Tomorrow we are supposed to meet about a work plan, but I doubt the meeting will happen; there’s no point my forcing the issue because I’ve booked my ticket home. I’ll return with Patrick on May 29. I haven’t given notice to the Peace Corps yet because they have a policy that people who resign have to leave the country in 72 hours. So I will provide 72 hours’ notice, and I’ve made it very easy for them. I’ll have moved into the hotel where Patrick and I planned to stay during his visit, so the house will be empty, and my ticket is booked and paid for. That said, this is a public blog, so if anyone from the Peace Corps happens to be trolling this blog, my goose is cooked. I haven’t told anybody here I’m keeping a blog, so the risk is low, and I don’t really care anyway.

The icing on the cake came yesterday, when I was sent to a meeting that nobody wanted to go to, but they sent me because they felt CHAM needed representation. I wasn’t told the location of the meeting, only that a driver would collect me and bring me to the meeting. When I arrived at the hotel where the meeting was being held, I didn’t recognize the meeting on any of the signs for the various conference rooms. I messaged Phil, who did not reply. I then messaged someone else (Dumi) who did reply, and told me that he got the venue wrong, and that the driver was on his way back to fetch me and bring me to the correct location. We were almost at the new venue when Dumi called me back to say that actually, the first location was the right place, after all, so we turned back around and I was able to find the meeting room. The meeting was scheduled to begin at 8:00. I arrived at 8:10 to an empty room. The 8:00 meeting began promptly at 9:40, and bore absolutely no relevance to the work that I came to Malawi to do. And here’s the kicker. While I was slogging through this awful, irrelevant meeting, my phone was lighting up with messages about a photo Phil had just shared. He was at a nursing school graduation having the time of his life. Anybody who knows what I do knows that I should have been included in this rite, and that attending would have been a key part of my onboarding and familiarization with my role. What a lost opportunity. It made me very glad to be leaving.

I decided that I couldn’t bear another weekend alone in that depressing house of mine, so I booked a weekend at the hotel where Patrick and I will be staying next week. It’s not posh at all, but it feels like the lap of luxury to me. I have more than one place to sit AND there are lots of cushions so my bum bruises can start to heal. They have a restaurant that served me a really nice chicken salad yesterday. And the highlight is a TV! I’ve watched a bit of the Italian Open tennis, and a number of other shows to pass the time. It’s been glorious. There were no sounds of dogs howling at the monkeys, so it was a wonderfully quiet and peaceful night.

There is a gym nearby with all the amenities, so I had a great workout, which always leaves me feeling very happy and positive. And I also had a latte. Unfortunately, none of these things are accessible at my current location or salary, so they wouldn’t make a difference to my quality of life if I was to stay. Which I’m not.

I’m over the blame and guilt of leaving. I think everybody bears responsibility for this outcome- I probably should have tried harder, the Peace Corps should have vetted this role more carefully, and CHAM really missed the boat. All I know is that I am happiest when I think of coming home, so that’s what I will do.

I'm really looking forward to seeing Patrick, the Dairy Milks, and the sour jubes in 5 days.